


Flying stone boys

by SpaceMalarkey



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, Hyrule is too pure for this world, Legend is a complete idiot, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Stupidity, Wild just wants to have fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26055145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceMalarkey/pseuds/SpaceMalarkey
Summary: Legend, Hyrule, and Wild are separated from the others when a new portal opens. They are transported to Legend's worst nightmare. Stupidity quickly follows, as is custom when you travel alone with the chaos duo.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 182





	Flying stone boys

**Author's Note:**

> This whole fic came from Jeen simply saying "Wild vs floor tiles".   
> Thank you Jeen. You are my enabler.

It was insane how badly one could be cursed. He must have been a complete dick in his previous life to have had so much bad karma before he even reached proper adulthood. One moment they had all been enjoying lunch on a secluded private island that Wind owned, and the next, a portal had whisked them all away to different locations. He never got a break, never got to enjoy his meals, or a full night of sleep, or even just one year of a lack of mortal peril dooming the land of Hyrule. More importantly, he had somehow been placed together with Hyrule and Wild, the chaos duo themselves. Legend cursed his existence, distantly wondering if he should just jump down the tower to get away from those two.  
  


No, that would be silly, he would somehow survive and the two would be even more insufferable. Clearly, the only solution here was to kill them both. 

“You alright there, Legend?” Hyrule came into view, smiling that stupid happy smile that always made Legend forget what he was just thinking about. Damn, foiled again. 

“Just trying to remember how to get out of this damn tower,” he grumbled back, ignoring Hyrule’s happy go lucky attitude and pressing on. 

Wild was taking pictures about pretty much everything, Hyrule was _touching_ everything, and Legend just wanted to get the hell out of this miserable shit dungeon. God, he hated this tower. Fire everywhere, holes in the floor, buttons that changed the holes in the floor, squiggly boys everywhere. He had fallen down these holes so many times on his first adventure, and he wasn’t about to continue that trend. Sadly, he had to stop both his companions from continuing said trend. Wild was leaning so far down, his head was clear of the level. He said something about scouting that Legend did not believe for one bit. The cook had a horrible tendency of falling from places. 

Then he had to find Hyrule, who had managed to get lost in the 3 seconds it took to Tell Wild to stop fucking around. Of course, by the time he had managed to actually find Hyrule, not in the same room, not down one level like he hoped, but _up_ two levels, Wild had managed to almost fall through yet another stupid hole in the ground. 

It was like being a father to two toddler twins. Not that Legend knew what that was like. Nope.

Legend did not deserve this stress. It doesn't matter how horrible he was in his past life, he did _not_ deserve this. 

In his misery, he forgot to count the floors. Really, it wasn't his fault. With how many times he had to go up and down all the floors, he had lost count, and honestly he didn’t remember this dungeon fondly. Legend would actually go as far as to say he forgot this dungeon as much as possible. So when they reached the massive room with all the blue and red tiles sticking up from the floor, he did not question Hyrule’s choice of entering yet another staircase spiralling down. God he should have paid attention. 

As the three entered the room, Legend was hit viscerally with recognition. 

“OH FUCK!” he yelled, and threw himself over Hyrule, effectively landing them both painfully on the stairs. Wild froze where he stood a couple of steps higher up. 

“What was that for?” Hyrule groaned, sitting up and rubbing his elbows. Legend sat completely still, staring into the seemingly empty room. 

There were a few pots, a big crystal ball glowing red, and blue tiles rising from the floor, blocking the entrance to the other door. Said door seemed to be closed. 

“This is the worst room I have ever encountered,” Legend moaned. “I hate this stupid fucking tower!”  
“What's so horrible about this room?” Wild asked, stepping over Legend and onto the floor. 

“NO!” Legend yelled, but alas, it was too late. 

A shudder went through the tiled floor, and slowly one of the tiles began to float, spinning slowly and gaining speed as it floated higher into the air. 

Hyrule and Wild stared at the tile with fascination before it flung itself towards Wild. He yelped, and jumped back onto the stairs, barely escaping what looked to be a painful meeting with stone. Immediately the room fell silent, and the three watched in awe as a new stone tile formed in the vacant spot of the old one. 

“Oh my god,” Hyrule muttered. Legend knew that tone. No. Fuck no. 

He opened his mouth, trying to prevent what would surely be an event that would dock a few more years off his lifespan, when Wild interrupted him. 

“Do you think I can land on top of one of those and fly around on them?”

Dear Hylia, no. 

“That would be so cool!”

Fuck, there was the enabler. God damn it, Hyrule! 

Legend cursed, wishing so desperately that he wasn't stuck with these two. One would always come up with some ridiculous idea, and the other would enable said idea into action. Honestly, at this point it was impossible to stop the inevitable stupidity that was about to take place. 

“Here I go!” Wild said, and jumped further into the room, getting ready to attempt the stupid stunt. Hyrule made it his goddess given mission to be Wild’s cheerleader as he yelled encouraging words and whistled as the tile rose from the floor once again. 

Legend leaned forward, ready to bury his face in his hands, when he heard Hyrule yelp. 

“There are more than one!”

“What?!”

Oh yeah, maybe he should have told them that. 

He raised his head in time to see Wild attempt to jump over one of the tiles in what can only be described as a panicked move. Legend would have to admit, Wild _did_ jump pretty high, but it wasn't high enough. The tile hit his foot, flipping him over in mid air and leaving him to the mercy of the other tiles. The way he was flung around the room mercilessly, limbs flopping everywhere, reminded Legend of a small doll his neighbour had played with when he was a child. The little doll was so badly proportioned that its limbs would fling around much like how Wild was flipped over, hitting his arms against the floor, the ceiling, the walls.

He watched in tired fascination as the final tile flew into Wild’s stomach with such force, it threw him across the room and smacked him into the crystal, turning it blue and opening the doorway to their left. 

There was a long stretch of silence before Wild managed a pained “Nailed it!” 

Legend could feel half of his lifespan leave his body as Hyrule ran over to check on his friend. 

“That door doesn't lead to the exit, I'm afraid,” he said as he made his way over to where Wild was standing up, clutching his stomach. 

“Okay, so where _is_ the exit?” Hyrule tilted his head towards him. Much like a confused puppy. 

Cute. 

“Up the stairs and down past the statue thingy,” Legend grumbled. “I just remembered. I hate this place.” 

As they made their way upstairs and towards the statue, WIld’s curiosity overpowered his current levels of pain, and he looked up at the structure. 

“What is this thing anyway?” he asked, taking a picture of the tall stone. 

“The Elder used to help me by communicating through this stone. He-” Legend stopped abruptly. “Oh shit,” he muttered. Then he groaned, a long, suffering, miserable sound that escaped from his very soul. 

“What? What is it?” Hyrule was on full alert, finally understanding that something was wrong. A little too late there, buddy. 

“I could have used the magic mirror to teleport us to the entrance,” Legend whined. 

Then, he screamed. 

“I hate this fucking tower!”


End file.
